i'm back.

welcome back mr. other half. (i told you i didn't like promises because
it's always broken in the end, whether it's a good or bad thing.)

i'm just really angry with you because i don't get to see you
nowadays. it's sad. maybe i'm being petty. but i think fara
feels the same way too.

oh hello D. your pod's been found.

and yuji? please give fara a call and tell her how much you love her.

you love to see me cry.









i hate you.
i am a butterfly, but you won't let me die.

Okay back.
Tired, sleepy and in need of air-conditioning.

I've learnt how to play The Ghost of a Good Thing. BY MYSELF.
Okay, yes you guitar pros out there, it's the easiest song you could ever
play. I suck at the guitar but I attempted to learn by myself.

Okay, fuck, it's almost 4 in the morning and i've no idea what i'm
blabbering about. Ignore me.

I really really like Dashboard Confessionals.

Fuck DA and Friendster. THEY BOTH CAN'T WORK. Grr.

I need air-con. Bye.

YOU CAN GO AWAY NOW.

anyway. bye bye people.
i'll be back on saturday and i'm not telling you where i'm going.

She loves.

She loves songs that can make her laugh or cry in public.
She hates doing it, but she loves what makes it happen.
She loves books that leave her so engrossed that she
winds up losing sleep reading them at night.
She loves the vivid dreams that follow that make it suck to wake up.
She beats her alarm clock a lot of the time… she's not too
enamored with her circadian rhythm.
She loves it that every time she can't find a word-
which seems to happen more and more often now-
she can still remember the word "aphasia."
She loves the idea of being sterile.
She often says that she got her sterility from her father.
Confusing people is one of the things she takes great pride in doing.
She loves to make people laugh against their own will.
She knows people aren't being polite about it when they
get pissed off at her for doing so.
She loves to dance on the edge of amusing and annoying.
She loves inside jokes. She prefers to be in on them,
but she doesn't need to be to appreciate that they're funny-
she can tell just by the reactions of the people who are in on them.
She loves it when people talk over her head.
That says to her that she seems like she's a lot smarter
than she actually is and that's encouraging;
at the very least it says she looks like
she belongs when she doesn't, and that's a relief.
She loves it when she can see some kind of solution to problems people have.
It's a rare occurrence.
She wishes that she herself could be the
solution to the problems of those she cares about.
She doubts she will ever be the solution to her own,
which would be ideal. She loves being uncoordinated.
She almost trips nearly every day but rarely falls.
She's five-foot-two and was on her high school basketball team,
she knew how to ride a bike once and she forgot.
It's not important to her to be graceful.
She loves the idea of having enough money to buy her own private airplane.
She doesn't want her own airplane but she'd like the money.
She'd still go to school and pursue her career,
but she wouldn't have to worry any more.
She'd like to have the body to be a classical ballerina by the same token.
She loves her intellect- but she'd rather be stupid.
She would rather be an Epsilon working an elevator
than an Alpha female if there was a chance she'd get
off the Soma and have to face reality.
The idea of being a mother is almost as unappealing
to her now as it would be in that scenario, but for different reasons.
She loves to be different, weird, maybe even lacking.
She loves to shock people with the pain she's been through.
She figures that a stand-up comedy routine would be about
the same as therapy, only if she was a stand-
up comic her audience wouldn't interrupt her when she was finishing a thought.
She loves it that people have been known to
tell her that they love her just because they know it creeps her out.
She either tries to laugh it off, throw an insult, or respond in facetious kind.
She loves to be known as a jaded, cynical bitch.
Even to be called this when she's earned it.
And boy, has she worked hard to earn it.
She loves it when people use love synonymously with hate.
She loves it when people say "I hate you" and
she can say "I hate you too." And mean it.

http://www.deviantart.com/view/15924747/

This is what MADHAN said.

"FUCK OFF! MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM IS BETTER THAN ANY OF YOU."
or at least think so.

I'll take your word.
I'll fuck off. Don't worry. I won't miss you either.

It's not my fault you're too sensitive. And no, MMS isn't an excuse.

Don't come running back to me Madhan. I mean this.

I know how to move on.

happy birthday to me.

i can have sex now.

i have an iPod shuffle now.

bye.

My birthday outing wasn't as boring as i thought it would be.

A huge thanks to:

Shan. Attention and goodies. Oh. Nashran too.

Farah and Yuji. For you know what. I <3

And the rest.

I blabbered so much I can't remember now.

And i'm afraid now.
Tell me what's gonna happen next.
Please.

Looking at couples cause dispassionate anger.
Also known as depression.

"Don't look at me now,"
She said with eyes that I can hardly take
Cause I'm stuck with a smile
That doesn't fit me anymore
She said,"Who wants a life that's filled with semesters
And useless knowledge and wasted credits,
You can stay here tonight, or maybe forever
And no one has to know, cause I won't let you go."
And I can't wait to write you a letter
For everyday that I can't bear
You can fill these moments
With words signed forever
But you've got to swear,
Don't forget to remember me
She sat with a smile
That screams of tears
And not another word
Gonna spend my nights either sleepless
Or dreaming about you
She said,"Who wants a life of lost adolescence
That's filled with regrets
And empty depressents
I've said it before
And you know that I meant it,
You're all I want to know
And I won't let that go."
Let's just hope that nothing happens
Wait forever, not for me
A life full of problems and last kisses
All you ever gave to me
Let's just hope that nothing happens
Wait forever, not for me
A life full of problems and last kisses
All you ever gave to me.

Jamison Parker.

You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall.
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall.

I feel bad. But i don't really need to care do I?

I could pass of for the worst villain ever.

seabreeze. i need seabreeze. tomorrow.

let's see what it's like to be.

funny. the "feeling bad" feeling's still there.

You know what? SHUT UP.

Stop imagining things like everyone hating you.
You think that way, and you say it out,

IT ACTUALLY DOES MAKE PEOPLE HATE YOU.

post. don't post. post. don't post. post. don't post.
POSTED.

P.S: It was good to see you, Ahmad. Let's do that more
often. MY CAMERA IS WITH YOU.

THE BBQ'S OFF.

pretty girls make graves.



what a perfect band name.

anyway.
i'm an angry, angry person.
I'd like to kill the world today.
I'd like to kill EVERYONE. EVERYONE.
i mean it.

ahmad, you're not included. i miss you too much to kill you.

p.s: thanks for the sketchbook and the company.
enjoyed it.

stop trying to marry me, madhan.
i <3 mikey way.




by the way. thanks cashvin for teaching me
the guit for SOTY. hug me.

this is our emergency.

OKAY FINE

THANK YOU MADHAN.

SHEESH.

THANK YOU FOR

THOSE

PONTIANAK FLOWERS.

THANK YOU.

HAPPY?

I miss ALL my friends.

Okay, maybe a 5 day mc isn't really the best thing
that could ever happen to you.
I'M FUCKING BORED AND I MISS MY FRIENDS.

But I thank Shaz, Farah, Cash and of course, D.

I feel so full. Yes, I can finally eat SOLID food
without hurting my throat. <3

I made myself:

1 STEAK. my own marination.
well, there WAS meat in the fridge.
2 clam chowder/chicken soup.. experimented
with cheese. Lots of cheese, it looked like baby vomit.
3 Spaghetti, to go with the soup.

okay... i think all of the above sounded gross.

okay bye.

I'm sick.

Bye.

the beach.

<333.

lemme change the subject now.

look at him. raow.

<3

(pretend to smile.)

Flag day at the beach, playing with the sand.

Right.

Anyway. I hate caterpillars and we all know why.
Actually, no, but shut up.

Accidents happen. SORRY CASHVIN. SORRY. OKAY?

Okay. Bye.

(suddenly nothing.)

you've got my broken heart in your hands, again.
- nash and zam. (music by zam -_-)

sometimes i think it's just goodbye.
but then i just hold back.
and then i sit down and wonder why.
and my heart begins to crack.

painful memories and sleepless nights.
I saw you, you smiled a smile so right.
you held my hand but you lied
it hurts for me to see you hide.

you pretend to love, and then you look away.
you make me believe, and i think of you for the rest of the day.

you've got my broken heart in your hands
again

so I,

drown myself in this lake of tears
like how you've forgotten me, it's all in slurs.
i'm right here, can't you see?
through porcelain eyes, you never try to break free.
you shatter my heart, and you ignore
and yet, you leave me, with another heartache, horrid and sore.

this heart bleeds, feels, dies.
where's yours?
your heart is in denial, it flees, and lies.
you prick my skin like the thorns of a rose.

you pretend to love, and then you look away.
you make me believe, and i think of you for the rest of the day.

so I,

drown myself in this lake of tears
like how you've forgotten me, it's all in slurs.
i'm right here, can't you see?
through porcelain eyes, you never try to break free.
you shatter my heart, and you ignore
and yet, you leave me, with another heartache, horrid and sore.
you've got my broken heart in your hands
again.

suddenly my words don't mean anything at all.
you leave me here, and you watch me fall.
to sigh, to fall and to never wake up
to die, to shatter, like a porcelain cup.

you pretend to love, and then you look away.
you make me believe, and i think of you for the rest of the day.

you've got my broken heart in your hands
again

ok la, not nice say la. sheesh. okay bye.
got over what i had to go over. what? nevermind.
okay. gers and boys hoh, arre awrr verry pweetty hoh.

die mungens.